Tuesday, October 11, 2011

Valhalla Rising (2)



(Watch the Trailer)

I had heard that this movie was so gory and awesome and full of vikings and blood goodness. I was really disappointed in this movie. I also was looking forward to it because it was the same director as Drive but that movie was WAY better and actually can't even be compared at all. So lame.

One. All everyone ever does is stare. It's not that there isn't a lot of dialogue, that's not the problem at all. It's literally a lot of shots of guys looking at other guys or mountains or trees or fog and then back to each other. Boring. No expression on any one's face when all you see are faces is boring after, well, 10 minutes and this movie felt like 4 hours.

Two. The story was nothing. I had actually no idea what was going on ever except that they were going from one place to another. I assume it was Canada and Indians and stuff but I'm not sure. Also, I think it's actually Scottish people and not Vikings so the title of the film kind of leads you on. I guess Valhalla has a better ring to it than Hell though. I'll give 'em that.

Three. Anytime there was action it was quick, gross and great. The gore, the few times it happened, came out of nowhere which worked and then was really graphic. If there had been a little more of that the movie would've been way better.

Four. It was beautiful. The movie is all landscapes and arty shots. Really beautiful set ups and backgrounds but when you are still on something for 2 minutes without it moving and no talking or music it is more stationary than needed. Aka, boring.

I wanted to like this movie more than anything and when I saw it on Netflix I was super pumped and turned it on without a second thought. Then I sat there. And sat there. And little things happened. Then I sat. And sat. And people died. And I sat. And it was over.

I didn't like it. I did think the little bit of gore was good and the main guy was good and some of the shots were beautiful but either I missed the point or it never had one.

2/5

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